Chubs and cubs have started addressing me as Daddy. And I’ve
realized being a Daddy is more than receding hairline and salt and pepper
looks: I need to be able to provide guidance and share my experiences. Here are
two questions that hit my mailbox this week.
Dear Daddy,
In this age of hook up apps, it is very difficult for gay
men to get into a committed relationship, leave alone being committed in one. We
grew our friendship at snail’s pace. It took 3 months for us to do a
face-to-face meet and another 3 months before we t(e/a)sted each other in bed. Just after our first anniversary,
I started to make space for my things in my boyfriend’s closet and that’s when he
asked me if I had informed my past regulars that I’ll be unavailable going
forward. Give me a straight answer, how should I react?
Dear Chub,
Sex and relationships have gone the Uber way. Today, owning a
car is a passé and we are already beginning to witness humans living and
copulating with robots. Sophie, the first humanoid robot to receive a citizenship,
wants to start a family. All these technological developments and humans
wanting to go the Uber way and robots wanting to behave like humans raises more
questions about sex and future of relationships and punctuates it with an
exclamation mark.
Now, coming back to your question on how to react, I’ll say
react positively. I am happy that you both took a year to organically grow your
relationship. Your boyfriend wants an old-fashioned relationship with strings
attached and a contract of (cum)mitment signed in blood. He doesn’t seem to belong
to the PREP generation that swallow emotions and partners like a pill. He wants
to give you that space provided you are making it exclusive.
You wanting to leave your stuff behind probably indicates
the sex must be good and dopamine secretion from the togetherness must be
rewarding. Am I right? So, don’t be queer. Seize the moment and take the vow of
“exclusivity”; inform your hook-ups about your unavailability. Don’t worry
about your hook-ups they will find better ones with help of whore aggregating
apps. All the best!
Dear Daddy,
As soon as we agreed to be “exclusive”, my partner and I decided
to screen our blood for any sexually transmitted infections. But then I felt
the real virus lurked in our phones. Do you think we should screen our phones for
hookup apps, video chatting apps, and sanitize them? How do I get him to agree
to this without sounding suspicious?
Dear cub,
You’ve hit the nail with your proposal of screening and
sanitizing phones. While you are pragmatic to proof your relationship from
adultery, suspicion, failure, but getting this across to your partner can be
very tricky. You don’t want to sound distrustful or apprehensive, and at the
same time you don’t want him to be treat this as a joke.
Share statistics from studies linking increase in divorce
rates to social networking and mobile phones and discuss how to make your relationship
fail-proof. Go through the contact list on your phone and social media platforms
explain to him whose is who. Once you do this at your end, your partner may be
forced to invite himself to screen and sanitize.
If he is still resistant and protective about you seeing his
mobile screen, talk about longevity of marriages in earlier generation and how
there were no secrets between couples. Explain how trust and fidelity are
mutual and non-negotiable and never let suspicion sneak into your relationship.
Give him opportunities to read out your messages, answer your calls, etc. This
may help him drop his defenses. Remember, you can never coerce anyone into
sharing their personal space. Despite all your efforts, if he still prefers to
cherish his mobile phone and be secretive, you should not waste time and move
on.
