High and dry plus itchy

A few anxious people wrote to me during the week asking if I were Ram or Jason. There have been moments where I’ve had my Jason and Ram moments. But in this context I was neither and one needed learn the safe and hygienic aspects while at play rather than trying to find if it was me. Those who wrote me were also curious to know if anything more happened between them after Jason stepped out of the toilet. Did Jason leave Ram with love bites or did he entrust that job with someone? Come on let’s find out.

Not sure how many of you have watched Sex and the city. In one of the episodes (I think it is season Two) Miranda would call a list people she had sex with to trace who she contracted the bug from. Calling a list of people to find out who gave the bug or prevention before cure, what is more easy vs. embarrassing? Atleast, Miranda had a list to call, but many of us (me included) may not be that meticulous to maintain a hook-up list !

That day after the lousy sex, Ram left Jason’s den with disappointment. A lot of what Ram wanted and expected had not happened between them and moreover, many things between them were one-sided, including the love making session. In all, Jason left Ram high and dry plus itchy.

 

Bookie vs. Hookie
Players in the current IPL season used all kinds of signaling techniques from moving the wrist band to dropping their hand towel to communicate with the bookies. But long before IPL arrived, gay men mastered various signaling techniques to express their sexual interests to the hookies (rather hookups). And today, I found Ram scratching (digging should be the right word) his pubic area. Aha! What does this mean? Was there a hookie nearby?

Since Ram was known very well to me, I enjoyed the liberty to ask him if his scratching was a live communication with the hookup or if it was a gift from one the hookups. May be Jason? “What do you mean?,” sneered Ram. “It is just sweat and heat that is making me scratch”, defended Ram.
I could clearly see that Ram was annoyed on hearing Jason’s name, and now that I was trying to relate every scratch with Jason and that infuriated him. Without scoffing at Ram, I asked if he had a few minutes to spare. He reluctantly said yes.

Lousy to Louse
Ram also appeared paranoid like the Hollywood Directors who made movies on aliens invading the US and global warming destructing the planet. But the crab louse invaded the human population 3.3 million years ago and continues to hold approximately 2% of the global population. And now, Ram was the latest victim!

Once I started to explain the epidemic backed up with some statistics, Ram showed signs of calming down and paying attention to my words. I even shared an anecdote from my life and how I caught the bug from an unsuspecting hook-up, but then I confessed not having the maturity to call up the person and ask him to get treated for the bug. Not sure who passed it to him, but humans are the most common carriers for body louse. BTW, that friend is still on my FACE BOOK. Any guesses?

Hiding dens
Crab louse is contracted through body contact and it typically found in coarse hair (around armpits, pubic area, long beard, etc.). They feed on human blood and multiply at a very fast rate. The eggs of the crab louse are laid usually on the coarse hairs of the genital and perianal regions of the human body. If left untreated and unattended, they can invade your body and bedding in a few days time.

Before I could complete sharing the instructions about cleaning and spraying the bedding material with the medication, Ram started to vigorously scratch himself. I couldn’t picture those bugs multiplying by the dozen and depositing their eggs at the root of the coarse hair. And for smooth men crab louse may not be an issue, but for hairy men it can be a hell. Looking at his hairy chest, I understood his agony and I stopped narrating the facts. I took Ram to the nearby medical store.

Getting a scrub
Without any hiss, hesitation or worry about being judged by the pharmacist, I asked him for a solution to treat pubic lice. Ram quietly stood beside me, as though he has no part in this alien infestation. But if the pharmacist was attentive he would noticed Ram’s body language and drawn up his own conclusions. 

The pharmacist explained the treatment options to me, shared usage directions and periodicity of usage. etc. And towards the end he instructed me to share this medicine with my partner and asked both of us to get checked for other sexually transmitted infections and finally punctuated by looking at Ram. Ram was embarrassed by the “look” from the pharmacist, and immediately stepped out of the pharmacy to take an incoming call on his mobile. Who called Ram? Could that be Jason? Did he call Ram to ask him to get treated for the bug?

Yes bug, no hug!
Ram was overwhelmed by the instructions given by the pharmacist. He cursed Jason and his hyper-active libido. He badly needed a hug, but then I was afraid of contracting the bug from him. Ram took the medication from me and hid it in his bag and we walked towards his home. I could see the bug sucking Ram’s blood and feeding on his happiness. Ram was down and worried but with medication in his bag he was just a few days away from getting rid of his itch and start hitch hiking again on the metro. 

Don't carry the betaal home
Prevention is always better than cure, but that shouldn’t mean that we must not have sex. Men may look physically attractive, well groomed, well mannered, but may not be itch-free.

1. Sleep only with men who are well groomed, who have a good sense of personal hygiene and who don’t scratch their private parts
2. A friend of mine man(dates) his hook-ups to shit, shave, shower and brush (not in the same order) before he gets to bed with him. He also washes himself with the anti-lice solution post sex. Not sure if this is strictly enforceable
3. Ensure that the pubic area is shaven or closely trimmed and make that a condition for anyone who wants to sleep with you
4. It is only my hook-ups that gave me crabs and not my ex-partners. So, possibly have a regular sex buddy and ensure both of you treat yourself for crab louse.

It would be a few weeks before Ram gets rid of the gift and starts to play the field again and when he does,  we will come back with more stories. Until then hang in there, stay clean itch-free and play safe. If you have any itch stories, share them! Wink!

Hygiene and Safety

Jason muscles were all tensed up and with a big moan he just dumped a big load on Ram’s chest. Was that Ram’s honey-do order? I don’t know, but Ram received the load with a big yes, eyes intoxicated with lust and squeezing Jason’s love handles. It was fresh, gooey, the tinge of yellow glistened against the natural light that entered the room without their permission.

Did Jason ejaculate his passion and lust that overpowered him for the last 35 mins? There was a sense of relief in Jason’s body language, his muscles were relaxed and he lay besides Ram like an exhausted laborer after a long day. While Ram picked up the pearl necklace with his finger, played with the consistency and beamed a radiant smile on his face. Was Ram’s behavior a sign of affection, admiration or satisfaction?

Not sure if Jason took cognizance of Ram’s finger play, but he picked himself up from the bed and rushed towards the bathroom. A volley of kisses, passionate moans and what looked like an inseparable union was now quickly replaced with sound of the door bolt, separation, water rushing to fill up the bucket.

Jason stood impatiently starring at the tap and waiting for the bucket to fill up. He pulled out the anti-lice solution from the medicine cabinet and emptied a good amount of Dettol (antiseptic and germicide) into the bucket. He picked up the tooth brush and generously covered it with the neem flavored paste to reclaim his oral hygiene. Ram had no idea what was happening behind the closed bathroom door, but he sat on the bed unperturbed by the sudden disconnect. Isn’t that how it is for many of us? It crossed Ram’s mind if he should just use the facial tissues in his bag to clean-up Jason’s gift and get dressed before Jason comes out in his towel.

Jason and Ram picked each other up on the metro ride an hour ago. What suddenly appeared in the scene that separated the two bodies, evaporated the overpowering pheromones, while making one feel soiled and unclean and the other feel lonely and not needed?

The exchanged basic information (age, preference, whose place to go to, etc.) and when they got behind the four walls, their focus was to make love to each other’s body and not care about their cleanliness before their union. Treating each other with respect and satisfying each other is one thing, but ensuring we engage in a safe and clean way is paramount, but seldom practised.

Many amongst us are like Jason, we care about hygiene and safety post sex rather than pre-sex. In the next few blogs, I will share my learnings and experiences; the first time when I picked up crabs aka body lice (the very thought still gives me an itch), the scary feeling that I went through when I saw a broken condom when I pulled out my phallus, how my ex-boy friend (a doctor) examined my pubic area for warts before we began our first physical union.

It is time to learn and unlearn. So, come back with Ram’s passion and patience!

Pheromones or Pheromoans?

 

 

All species in the animal kingdom (no sixth sense) carry no relationship tags that bound them by moral rules and copulate only for procreation. But why do gay men (with sixth sense) who speak of moral rules, fight for same-sex marriage and child raising rights, practice incest? A classmate touched me inappropriately in the name of adolescence driven by hormones, a cousin fondled me in the name of brotherly love, the English professor in the name of personal attention coached me in private before the University exams, and a friend penetrated me against my wish making it a rape. Is it simple hypocrisy or is it lack of understanding of responsibilities and moral rules of a relationship or is it overpowering lust and absence of abstinence? Is it the power pheromone or pheromoan?

Sepoys from the Revolt of 1857

25 years ago, I was in eighth grade, and my class mate came over with his history text book on a Saturday afternoon, and it was just before the half-yearly exam. He read aloud a few passages explaining the flash point (animal fat used to grease paper cartridges) between the sepoys and the East India Company and how that led to the revolt of 1857.

 

While narrating the mutiny, he slowly touched my cartridge and I was not sure how to respond or react, but then keeping me engrossed in the story about the mutiny and turned my cartridge greasy without any revolt. I experienced a sense of irritation from firing my first shot and didn’t know how to react to the invasion. On the pre-text of studying Indian history together we began studying each other’s anatomy and eventually we both began recruiting more sepoys in our high school.

Brotherly love aka incest?

My father’s sister’s son (my cousin brother) visited my house a few days ago and every time he comes home, he bosses around using the brotherly relationship tag. 23 years ago, that night we were sleeping besides each other at a cousin’s wedding. After the lights were switched off and all the elders began to snore, he freely put his hands into my blanket grabbed my hand to forced me to play with his dick. Since then whenever I was alone at home he would come by and force me to have sex with him. So, should brotherly love be termed as incest?
 

By the time I turned 18 I had enough experiences recruiting Sepoys at high school and having sex with my classmates and cousin. And when I got to college I was ready to for more action and this time it was with my English professor.

An English affair!

It was just 15 days before my first year University exam and the English professor asked me to come by his house for a quick revision of the two text books. He was in his mid thirties, tall and very attractive, but I never had any intention to seduce him. On a Saturday afternoon, I cycled a few kilometers to his home in the hot sun. I rang the bell and woke him up from his afternoon nap. He stepped out of the bedroom in his lungi and was surprised to see me. He invited me into the house, gave me a glass of water and asked me to come into his bed room that was dark and relatively cooler. I looked around the house for his wife, but seeing my hesitation to step into his room he proudly announced that there is no one in the house and asked me to make myself comfortable. I put the two English text books between us, but then he promptly took the books and put them on the bed side table and switched off the light. What he taught me that afternoon was a special class, and none of what he taught appeared in the exam, but stayed in my memory forever.

Call of romance or rape?

We first met online, but I took more than 15 months for us to meet in person. We were mutually drawn towards each other, but I decided to wait for our lust and infatuation to settle down. During the 15 months we kept in touch off and on, and one of the nights he got drunk and called me at 1 am to let me know how much he loves me. I honestly felt this call very romantic, despite feeling annoyed waking up at the wee hours, but I never took the call or his message seriously. It was just cute!
 

Finally lust had abated, atleast I felt that way, and I booked myself on a 75 mins flight journey to meet him. He received me at the airport and took me to his home and made me feel extremely comfortable. Infact, he even offered me his bed and settled in for his couch in the living room for the night. I asked him to sleep next to me, and I clearly felt I had complete control over my body and nobody could touch me without my permission.

But I was wrong that night and my “No” didn’t seem to bear any meaning. Despite knowing that I was a top and me raising loud disapproval, he ignored me and listened to his throbbing lust.  In the dark, he asked me relax, used more lube and shoved his genital inside me. Both my legs were up in the air and I patiently waited for him to climax.  How else can one endure a rape in a new city?
 

And when I cleaned up and came back to the bed, he thanked me for the hot sex. He asked me if he should help me wank off, but I turned down the silly offer and turned to the other side in disappointment and anger. I still can’t believe that I trusted a man, called him a friend and paid for my own rape.
 

 

Next morning I woke up with sore ass, a swollen sphincter and unable to take a crap. Not able to stomach his “friendly violation” I told him that this was against my wish, will and permission and it was “rape” and not sex. He smirked and admitted his uncontrollable sexual drive but never apologized.  Do friends rape?
 

The gay world conveniently defines, qualifies and ruthlessly downgrades relationships based on hormonal needs and wants. And today, 25 years after my first experience I sit back and think how I have experienced lust of a classmate, cousin, a teacher and a friend. During the course of 25 years, I have also brought home strangers and introduced them as “friends” and had sex with them. Two of my boy-friends were my sex mates, but to my family there were introduced and referred as my friend. And after I broke-up with them I still refer to them as my friends.

So, what does it mean in the gay world when you refer to someone as a friend? Does it mean you were someone's one-night stand turned into regular fuck-buddy and finally into partner before being rebadged as a friend? Are we making justice to the tags we attach to people? Or is it justified to expect people to execute the responsibility that comes with the tag? Is it a problem with the tag and not with our nuts? Does it mean that tags and roles and responsibilities hold no correlation in the gay community?

 

 

25 years have passed by since I started this physical journey, and there is no hate or regret when I reminiscent the hormonal journey. But I leave you with a few questions: are gays innately incestuous, born promiscuous and always walk around with a sexual agenda? Does the gay community hide behind the veil bound by relationship and yet practice incest? Is it the play of sixth sense?