Pheromones or Pheromoans?

 

 

All species in the animal kingdom (no sixth sense) carry no relationship tags that bound them by moral rules and copulate only for procreation. But why do gay men (with sixth sense) who speak of moral rules, fight for same-sex marriage and child raising rights, practice incest? A classmate touched me inappropriately in the name of adolescence driven by hormones, a cousin fondled me in the name of brotherly love, the English professor in the name of personal attention coached me in private before the University exams, and a friend penetrated me against my wish making it a rape. Is it simple hypocrisy or is it lack of understanding of responsibilities and moral rules of a relationship or is it overpowering lust and absence of abstinence? Is it the power pheromone or pheromoan?

Sepoys from the Revolt of 1857

25 years ago, I was in eighth grade, and my class mate came over with his history text book on a Saturday afternoon, and it was just before the half-yearly exam. He read aloud a few passages explaining the flash point (animal fat used to grease paper cartridges) between the sepoys and the East India Company and how that led to the revolt of 1857.

 

While narrating the mutiny, he slowly touched my cartridge and I was not sure how to respond or react, but then keeping me engrossed in the story about the mutiny and turned my cartridge greasy without any revolt. I experienced a sense of irritation from firing my first shot and didn’t know how to react to the invasion. On the pre-text of studying Indian history together we began studying each other’s anatomy and eventually we both began recruiting more sepoys in our high school.

Brotherly love aka incest?

My father’s sister’s son (my cousin brother) visited my house a few days ago and every time he comes home, he bosses around using the brotherly relationship tag. 23 years ago, that night we were sleeping besides each other at a cousin’s wedding. After the lights were switched off and all the elders began to snore, he freely put his hands into my blanket grabbed my hand to forced me to play with his dick. Since then whenever I was alone at home he would come by and force me to have sex with him. So, should brotherly love be termed as incest?
 

By the time I turned 18 I had enough experiences recruiting Sepoys at high school and having sex with my classmates and cousin. And when I got to college I was ready to for more action and this time it was with my English professor.

An English affair!

It was just 15 days before my first year University exam and the English professor asked me to come by his house for a quick revision of the two text books. He was in his mid thirties, tall and very attractive, but I never had any intention to seduce him. On a Saturday afternoon, I cycled a few kilometers to his home in the hot sun. I rang the bell and woke him up from his afternoon nap. He stepped out of the bedroom in his lungi and was surprised to see me. He invited me into the house, gave me a glass of water and asked me to come into his bed room that was dark and relatively cooler. I looked around the house for his wife, but seeing my hesitation to step into his room he proudly announced that there is no one in the house and asked me to make myself comfortable. I put the two English text books between us, but then he promptly took the books and put them on the bed side table and switched off the light. What he taught me that afternoon was a special class, and none of what he taught appeared in the exam, but stayed in my memory forever.

Call of romance or rape?

We first met online, but I took more than 15 months for us to meet in person. We were mutually drawn towards each other, but I decided to wait for our lust and infatuation to settle down. During the 15 months we kept in touch off and on, and one of the nights he got drunk and called me at 1 am to let me know how much he loves me. I honestly felt this call very romantic, despite feeling annoyed waking up at the wee hours, but I never took the call or his message seriously. It was just cute!
 

Finally lust had abated, atleast I felt that way, and I booked myself on a 75 mins flight journey to meet him. He received me at the airport and took me to his home and made me feel extremely comfortable. Infact, he even offered me his bed and settled in for his couch in the living room for the night. I asked him to sleep next to me, and I clearly felt I had complete control over my body and nobody could touch me without my permission.

But I was wrong that night and my “No” didn’t seem to bear any meaning. Despite knowing that I was a top and me raising loud disapproval, he ignored me and listened to his throbbing lust.  In the dark, he asked me relax, used more lube and shoved his genital inside me. Both my legs were up in the air and I patiently waited for him to climax.  How else can one endure a rape in a new city?
 

And when I cleaned up and came back to the bed, he thanked me for the hot sex. He asked me if he should help me wank off, but I turned down the silly offer and turned to the other side in disappointment and anger. I still can’t believe that I trusted a man, called him a friend and paid for my own rape.
 

 

Next morning I woke up with sore ass, a swollen sphincter and unable to take a crap. Not able to stomach his “friendly violation” I told him that this was against my wish, will and permission and it was “rape” and not sex. He smirked and admitted his uncontrollable sexual drive but never apologized.  Do friends rape?
 

The gay world conveniently defines, qualifies and ruthlessly downgrades relationships based on hormonal needs and wants. And today, 25 years after my first experience I sit back and think how I have experienced lust of a classmate, cousin, a teacher and a friend. During the course of 25 years, I have also brought home strangers and introduced them as “friends” and had sex with them. Two of my boy-friends were my sex mates, but to my family there were introduced and referred as my friend. And after I broke-up with them I still refer to them as my friends.

So, what does it mean in the gay world when you refer to someone as a friend? Does it mean you were someone's one-night stand turned into regular fuck-buddy and finally into partner before being rebadged as a friend? Are we making justice to the tags we attach to people? Or is it justified to expect people to execute the responsibility that comes with the tag? Is it a problem with the tag and not with our nuts? Does it mean that tags and roles and responsibilities hold no correlation in the gay community?

 

 

25 years have passed by since I started this physical journey, and there is no hate or regret when I reminiscent the hormonal journey. But I leave you with a few questions: are gays innately incestuous, born promiscuous and always walk around with a sexual agenda? Does the gay community hide behind the veil bound by relationship and yet practice incest? Is it the play of sixth sense?