Ouvert Relationship!

In my last blog I rambled about how contexts can define sexual encounters and gave you a quick preview of welcome, workplace and break-up sex. While I was looking to continue on this topic, one of my friends asked me my thoughts on those who are trying to open up their relationships together or separately for more fun. Interesting, huh?

Men and menu are inseperable. Most gay men have half-dozen hook-up apps that offer them men(u) to satiate their cravings and fetish. Grindr is pretty much young and snobbish; Scruff is relegated to those interested in fuzz and there is good age spread, and Bear brings up mostly older men and caters to those interested in wild animals or who wish to explore wild side of human animals. So that is your 101 on the three apps that you can see on my mobile.

Men do these app-hops looking for a quick pit-stop when their partners are away or look for a buffet for two. Sometimes, it is safe to play with these people as you know that they are emotionally engaged elsewhere and not available for you. But then sometimes, when I found my hook-ups too clinging, I’ve slipped in my fetish for a ménage a trio just to free myself from their chains, and it has worked in my favor and ended the clinging.

Buffet for two

Eating at a buffet is an art. As a customer you must know what to expect, build your appetite, and sometimes you even must know how to spice it up or order differently to satisfy the palette of your partner.

Two years ago, one of the partners wrote me a message on Bear and what made me accept his proposal was his openness and honesty. He was shopping for a new experience to enjoy with his partner for V-Day and I happen to be the gift his blindfolded partner chose on the app. There was no reason for me to turn the offer down, since both were good looking, well endowed and were also into safe play. What made it even more interesting for me was to be appealing to the partner who never saw me. Yes, he was expecting to open a surprise gift. There is no problem as long as Infidelity is a level playing field and both partners understand that it is about mutual satisfaction. During the meal both of them ensured mutual fulfillment and sometimes directed me to serve the other person. And when I offered them a finger-bowl in the end, the couple convinced me to join them for a candle light dinner that night. A waiter gets tipped at a buffet? Well mannered guests, may be well satisfied too!

People don’t visit buffets until it is a steal deal or they are famished. And they may never come back for months, but sometimes they could always make a recommendation.

Dine alone

If drinking alone is sad, what would you call eating alone? Fun! Remember catching your dad sneaking behind your mom and rummaging through the refrigerator late at night? Every other proposal that I’ve receive in Paris is about finding some extra fun behind partner’s back. You would know this when they said they are available only on weekdays, until 7 pm or between 12 noon and 2pm on weekends or cannot host. Everything is transactional like prostitution and many of them refrain from sharing their coordinates and don’t want to be invited for cocktails, even if it on the house.

Among them, Marc is bold and different, but he still prefers no love-bites. After his four day sales trip, Marc stops by my apart from a quickie and demands a milk moustache every time. Not sure how he manages to build up his libido during the 30 min ride back home, but he arrives and leaves guilt-free like the fathers who make midnight trips to the refrigerator.

And when I confronted Marc with a few questions: does he play behind your back and why don’t you play together? Marc was honest and he replied that they prefer to play separately and he chooses not to know who his partner plays with and that there is a gentlemen’s agreement in place. Nevertheless, I have strict orders from Marc not to message him. Though Marc liked me a lot, he told me that he would never want to leave his partner. Though people visit restaurants, it doesn't mean that they hate home cooked meals.

Next time when you app-hop and when come across profiles with status messages that swear “open relationship”, don’t forget to ask them if it is a buffet for two or dine alone? And ask them to ring the bell and recommend if they are satisfied. Importantly, don't be offended if people claim to be single, but are paired up in reality. Customer satisfaction is our motto!