A Peacock sheds its feather and… Part 2

 

 

A curse and not a course
“This is against my will and I am forced engage in prostitution. I have no other job to sustain myself, my previous employer is hesitant to take me back and my family has disowned me. I don’t want to beg on trains and public places like others transgender community, and as result I am forced to take up prostitution. All this sounds like a curse and not a course and I am hopeful that someday my helpless family, the ruthless society and puppet government will treat us with equality and love” said Mayil.

Her biology was mind boggling
That night she also let me in her biology. “I lost my testosterone, a male hormone, after the surgery and since I am not interested to undergo estrogen therapy I don’t have any sexual feeling despite being a prostitute. I learnt the hard way about how hormones control and alter sexual desires and  biology. I never realized that the surgery would have all these consequences. I slept with other peacocks for pleasure before the surgery but today I do it only for sustenance.

 

Sex is mechanical and only for materialistic purpose. The pleasure has vanished and what lingers is just pain”, she completed and tears quickly trickled down her cheeks and soaked the remaining pieces of chicken.

I was aghast at her reply and human biology and the role of hormones looked complex, as dangerous as nuclear weapon and how it can be self-destructive.

Yet Living like other women

"When I was a gay man, people made fun of my effete nature, yet some gay/bi-sexual men found me  attractive and slept with me. Now post surgery gay men run away from me, straight women think I'm a joke, straight men think I'm a cheap substitute for women and perverts love me", said Mayil.

I was lost trying to fathom the devastation gender reassignment surgery brought to her. Mayil quickly read my mind and replied before I put forward my next question. She got up and asked the waiter for the way to the restroom. That night during the 75 minute conversation I kept addressing her as he, but Mayil had no second thoughts when she wanted to tidy herself she went straight into the women’s room. She wanted to be woman and now she is living a life of a woman.

“In my earlier gender till four months ago, I spent my time with many gay men and like them I wanted to chase straight men. But today gay men don’t want to be seen with me and I am being chased by the perverts in the straight community,” said disappointed Mayil.

Today Mayilu is a woman and she also has to endure other hardships that come with the new gender. Apart from dealing with insults and outcast treatment meted by public she puts up with the menace of auto drivers, police and other sexual perverts. She said the auto drivers often drove her into dark alleys and was interested to explore her biology, while perverts on the late night trains wanted to see her breasts, while police only think of her as a prostitute.

A pinch in her feet
That night I didn’t want to have her face another auto driver and offered to drive her back to her den. And when I asked her what I can get her for a gift, without a second thought she put forward her request.  

“I may not be a complete woman in the eye of the public, but internally I am a woman and the surgery is successful. And I would even do the hormone therapy if it would alter my feet size, giggled Mayil.

“A woman’s footwear would go well with this Salwar and I would love to have a half-dozen slippers to match my other clothes. I hear women footwear in bigger sizes is available overseas, can you get me a few pairs when on your next overseas trip?” requested Mayil.

“I will be a better woman when you see the next time. I promise to save-up to get a breast implant done” concluded Mayil with determination.

Before I could make my promise to bring her a few pairs’ of women footwear that would not pinch her feet, she opened the car door she picked up her dupatta from her broad shoulders and covered her head. She waved at me and vanished. As I drove back home, my mind swelled with questions and thoughts.

A pinch in my heart
Personally, this meeting was a life altering experience for me. Earlier I would have run away from transgenders and would not want to be seen alongside one in public or during pride marches. But today, I stood up in support and I was not worried about being spotted with her at a restaurant despite people giving me a look. Isn’t it the same straight society that discriminates me also discriminate Mayil?

Before we go about changing the perspective of the main stream society, we gay men who walk alongside transgendered on pride days must fearless and shamelessly walk alongside on other days. We stop must stop discriminating looking at each other with curiosity, hatred and prejudice, and replace it with care, love and respect.  If love is genderless then how can friendships be bound by gender?

Why don’t you also think about it…and not just only buy shoes for those beautiful feet, but also hold their hands and walk together? Fight together against the narrowminded, the straight perverts, and the deaf government. Wouldn’t that be more comforting?