Prospecting for a job and prospecting for soul mate, are there any similarities or many similarities? For those of you who swear to be happy in your jobs and relationships, may be you have found the right one, or may you have learnt to change yourself and stay happy and contended or may be you have multiple jobs and relationships for complete satisfaction. Am I being cynical or honest?
For those looking for one keep reading…
Are you wise, smart to jump ships and walk tight ropes when the economy is on a downward spiral and when your cake is filled with more than 30 candles? This very though today left me polarized, sweaty, quizzical and left feverishly looking for an answer.
In the economic parlance such downturn in job market and love market leads to cyclical unemployment and forced separation. Both these terms doesn’t mean the end of life, all it means is that you will have to spend some time on the sideline to re-skill/re-badge and then enter the market with fresh confidence and like never been there before. Isn’t life all about learning and unlearning?
Is it easy to teach the old dog new tricks? If you are young and smart, you are pardoned for your mistakes, but if you are old then there is Senior citizen discrimination and not discount. However young or old, it is difficult and icky. We have no choice but to turn up with an iron chest and fist for these meetings. It is a price we all pay for a job and partner, and there is a secret hope what if the dream materialized this time? Or may be the story gets told better every time?
The first homework one has to do before re-entering the market was to ask oneself if they really needed a relationship/job, and why not I be on their own. It took me 3 years to answer this question, to sort myself, and get ready with my elevator pitch and marketing collaterals. Be it a relationship or job you will have to make you look perfect and best. It is all window dressing!
Well some employers offer your placement services after they let go of you. Would you believe if I told you that my resume was written by my ex? Is this an act of kindness and gratitude? Should I be happy or grumpy?
Though we don’t carry my resume for such interviews, we rehearse the script in my head more than one hundred times a few nights before and spend hours trying to decide what to wear for the interview. In the speech first goes family, education, hobbies, relationship stint with roles, and then we move into the ex-talk, but keeping it polite and not condescending. Sounds ghastly similar, huh? Is it a job interview?
I was not aware that these prospecting meetings can also be filled with lies, surprise, conceit, hypocrisy, blame game, ex-talk etc. more than honesty, ownership, lessons learnt and filter coffee? Interesting….huh? Can the ego ever be cremated? May it can only be tamed.
Well the battle gets tougher when the candles on the cake are directly proportional to the number of Exs. Go through one break-up and try to getting back into one, climbing Mt. Everest would be even easier. You will be surprised at the questions being tossed at you, judging that happens in the name of prospecting will bewilder you. Who takes the ownership of failed and fractured relationships?
Some meetings are easy, they just look for positive attitude and adaptability, and they supplement it with on the job training to make it a win-win. While some get caught up in the past and do a laparoscopy of your life on the internet by turning a simple browser into a camera fitted probe and make you wonder if it the process is prospecting or suspecting.
Some meetings can go in your favor. You get to make a choice, command your price, and put down your terms, but not always. When you get there learn to negotiate so that you don’t undersell. Are jobs and relationships emotional transaction or just plain emotional manipulation or cold and calculative?
The most grueling part of these meetings is the hope with which you get in and how humiliated and desperate you come out when the prospect is not clear what he wants or just says “let us just be friends”. Don’t ask yourself if you are unworthy for the partner role? Just believe that your future partner’s prayers are not potent enough for him to find you. Isn’t it better to be happy from being rejected than being unhappy in a wrong relationship? May be that is the price we all pay a price for being positive and hopeful?
We can come up with myriad excuses and reasons for exiting the relationship, and the clichéd one being “the other person screwed it up”. Everyone knows nobody is perfect, but still expect you to act like one. Who should be blamed for your disappointments – is it the employer/partner or you for your insatiable expectations?
Isn’t there always something better? Should I look around till you find the best or should I grab the first one that come my way or how long do I play this wait and watch game? Until you find the right one, the process is emotionally famishing for the ones who want to be paired up. However calm and composed you act, there is always fear deep within when it comes to choosing between a known devil and an unknown angel. And even after you find one there are questions that you need to answer.
For those of you, who get accepted, there is only more work in maintaining the art. Relationships are no free lunches and there is no guarantee, loyalty and remember relationship can’t turn sour after a few years. All relationships come with contract, some are written and some unwritten. Some get negotiated and re-written, some renewed and some just expire. Also remember contracts have service level agreements, and maintenance fee. Sounds mechanical?
After all this rambling doesn’t it sound easier to change jobs than changing partners? There is no emotional swamp to wade through, and even if there is one, there is no need to prove it by getting physically. Have things changed now?
How does one tide over the crises, and wade through the emotional marsh without feeling trapped, bankrupt, useless, unloved and miserable? Doesn’t it get strenuous and emotionally exhausting that you even entertain the thought of going back to the same employer/partner and asking for another chance? Is the cycle of looking out inevitable? Are we displaying our desperation or vulnerability? How do I insulate myself from the market dynamics, relationship rigmarole and hold on to the wheel of fortune?
Just stay single, self employed and happy!
