Be it a relationship with friends, friends with benefits, exs’ and fuck buddies, why do gay men find it very difficult to build, nurture, hold and maintain relationship more than straight men? Is it because they always they have a hidden agenda, the one below the waist?
It is also a well know fact that gay men randomly add people to their Facebook account and delete numbers from their mobile phones more so than rest of the denominations in the society. Is it because they incapable of respecting, committing, and valuing relationship, and setting boundaries and managing expectations? Or are they just too prey(dick)table?
Think before you wink!
Over a chat window a friend who recently landed in foreign land said, “Your friend was weird and he was trying to feel me in the movie hall”. I was shocked and I re-read the line twice before I reacted. Did I make the mistake in cataloging an acquaintance as a friend? Or did I make a bigger mistake of introducing two gay men without clarifying the agenda or context for the meet? Should I rest my conscience under the thought that I was trying to make a friend feel at home in an alien land or should I own up the responsibility for other guy’s misdemeanor? At the end of this I felt I had “horny” guys who would go to any extent to prey on my friends for a fling.
Must-fucks!
In another incident recently, an acquaintance who travelled to the city asked me if I could share a few “must-fuck” numbers in the city. I have come across people who’ve asked me for “must-see” places, restaurants, etc., but this guy was asking me if I had “must-fucks” in my city. When did sexual tourism become main stream? Am I running a brothel or gigolo joint in the city? Should I take it as an offence or should I supply numbers with a hope that I can ask him to return the favor if I ever visited his city? Is sharing really caring?
Brown ring test
Remember the brown-ring test from high school chemistry class? A friend (not anymore) of mine in the city would randomly put together people like science experiments and watch them copulate and separate for his own thrills. Since when did men start feeling and living like God? There was a time when he intentionally introduced me his friend to see if he could set the ball of cotton on fire. His experiment failed and later when I came to know about his real intentions, I felt like a like a bacteria in a petri dish. My experience was supposed to be his experiment.
Ex-claimed!
Here is another interesting anecdote from the past. I introduced my ex to a friend at a concert, and my friend knows we were not together anymore. My friend swaps number with him and both of them meet outside for a coffee in my absence and then slowly my friend tries to get my ex to stain his sheet. Does it mean he breaches the code of friendship if my friend slept with my ex? How should I react when my (ex)claimed that my friend was hitting on him? He felt as though I had arranged for my friend to sleep with him. Do I side with my ex and snap ties with my friend? But didn’t you guys willingly exchange numbers and meet in my absence? How am I to take responsibility for this?
Unpre(dictable)!
I perfectly matched the specs (T-top, B-bottom, and V-versatile), hobbies, interest, and intellectual quotient like blood groups and set two of my friends on a date. Both of them were aware that they were being set on a date. Nothing happened sexually during the date, and a beautiful friendship sprouted from subsequent meetings. In the hindsight, if they had seen each other and if the relationship would have failed after sometime, I ran the risk of losing two beautiful friends. I know my intentions were good, but the outcomes are always unpredictable.
For most gay men relationships can be like walking on eggshells and can also be like stepping on landmines and more so for someone who tries to bring people together for friendship, fling or a relationship. Why take ownership and responsibility for their good and bad experiences?
Your gay friends can feel bankrupt without buddies in faraway land, feel sexually frustrated in over populated urban jungles (even in the era of hook-up apps like Grindr, PR, etc.), and feel lonely in your own hometowns, but remember not to offer to help and decimate your already wafer-thin friends list on Facebook and mobile. You can never be sure of people’s ulterior motives. People are capable of making their own friends, finding their own flings and fuck buddies. Gay men are so very Prey(dick)troubled!
