I have never thought so much about this “C” word until recently when I ended up calling a long time friend for a casual talk. The casual conversation turned very pleasant and cozy when he mentioned about his recent vacation with his longtime partner (5 years now) and I could sense the excitement and josh in his voice. But when I asked about the life beyond vacations there was a pause initially, and then came a stutter and finally boulder came rolling “I don’t know…..” ended with a sigh.
That was the one boulder that started an avalanche of question in my mind. I wasn’t sure if the word was removed from their dictionary or may be I grew up the Victorian way. Commitment to me means being emotionally and physically tethered to the same person irrespective of differences till the existence of the relationship. But for many it was either alien or pre-historic.
Before I say and write more I decided to check if the dictionary still had this word. The word was still in but it sounded so utopian…..
> the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action
> the trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose
> an engagement by contract involving financial obligation
Why do people shy away from it? Does commitment make them more responsible and accountable? Does age become a determining factor for commitment? I had met a dozen of commitment phobics after my previous relationship and not even one was able to give their definition of commitment. A 26 year old who just returned from a longish US stint was one of the prospects interviewed. He was attractive, smart, and very sociable – scored straight A for my next round. But when it came to commitment and long-term plan he was candid. He made a bold statement, “I am too young to think of commitment and I still have fields to explore, wickets to bat and balls to pitch.” I learnt my lesson that day - Casanovas are never committed!
The last time I was in a relationship commitment came out of love, respect, physical and psychological chemistry that we shared. We never spoke about it and it just happened naturally. Coming back to my friend’s case, can’t men have a vacation together without commitment and long term plans? Well they can, but why do responsible adults who’ve been in love for over 5 years turn cold feet when it comes to commitment? May be 5 years was not enough to be sure if this is the right man to be committed to? Does he doubt his choice or the man? Commitment is like Vitamin C, you will need it only when you have a drippy nose and teary eyes. So until you catch cold, you don’t need Vit C.
For some being commitment is like having the same cuisine for dinner for the rest of the life and may be that is why they stay away from boredom. Some are not sure how soon they will outgrow their taste buds and hence commitment makes their knees shaky. As long as people are honest about their taste and likes you can stay away from them, but it hurts only when they dance to your tunes to just entice you for the evening and leave you with a bleeding heart. Commitment is like having garlic and onion and it leaves a bad taste at the end of the meal and then there is always a lot of brushing to do in the end….
Is commitment a sin word? By sin word I don’t mean it is the most hated word by single people, but even couples treat this like an over burdening cross on the back. Brad Pitt could not stay committed to Jennifer Aniston. You can live under the same roof, but commitment is never guaranteed. Do emotionally and psychological stable and secure humans need commitment? The “C” word only seems to electrocute relationships and not electrify.
Are humans (like animals) biologically and psychologically challenged to stay committed? When I think about my earlier relationship everything was just fine and fidel until I measured him on the commitment scale. What followed the measurement was dissolution of wonderful 3 year friendship built on the foundation of TLC. Offering commitment is like giving away a blank check; he can wipe away your account and leave you bankrupt in no time.
Why do people invest time, emotion and much more in relationship and stay vested for a long time just to casually end the conversation with “I don’t know” ….? Well this opens another box of questions - Do all relationships culminate into a commitment? Do committed people have plans? Should commitment be discussed and made contractual? Or should life be simple a fuck and flush? Is commitment today looked upon as a mental disease, and unnecessary emotional clinging?
Should I be dogmatic or pragmatic when it comes to commitment? More importantly I think I should be single, hot and whacky….
I love it……
That was the one boulder that started an avalanche of question in my mind. I wasn’t sure if the word was removed from their dictionary or may be I grew up the Victorian way. Commitment to me means being emotionally and physically tethered to the same person irrespective of differences till the existence of the relationship. But for many it was either alien or pre-historic.
Before I say and write more I decided to check if the dictionary still had this word. The word was still in but it sounded so utopian…..
> the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action
> the trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose
> an engagement by contract involving financial obligation
Why do people shy away from it? Does commitment make them more responsible and accountable? Does age become a determining factor for commitment? I had met a dozen of commitment phobics after my previous relationship and not even one was able to give their definition of commitment. A 26 year old who just returned from a longish US stint was one of the prospects interviewed. He was attractive, smart, and very sociable – scored straight A for my next round. But when it came to commitment and long-term plan he was candid. He made a bold statement, “I am too young to think of commitment and I still have fields to explore, wickets to bat and balls to pitch.” I learnt my lesson that day - Casanovas are never committed!
The last time I was in a relationship commitment came out of love, respect, physical and psychological chemistry that we shared. We never spoke about it and it just happened naturally. Coming back to my friend’s case, can’t men have a vacation together without commitment and long term plans? Well they can, but why do responsible adults who’ve been in love for over 5 years turn cold feet when it comes to commitment? May be 5 years was not enough to be sure if this is the right man to be committed to? Does he doubt his choice or the man? Commitment is like Vitamin C, you will need it only when you have a drippy nose and teary eyes. So until you catch cold, you don’t need Vit C.
For some being commitment is like having the same cuisine for dinner for the rest of the life and may be that is why they stay away from boredom. Some are not sure how soon they will outgrow their taste buds and hence commitment makes their knees shaky. As long as people are honest about their taste and likes you can stay away from them, but it hurts only when they dance to your tunes to just entice you for the evening and leave you with a bleeding heart. Commitment is like having garlic and onion and it leaves a bad taste at the end of the meal and then there is always a lot of brushing to do in the end….
Is commitment a sin word? By sin word I don’t mean it is the most hated word by single people, but even couples treat this like an over burdening cross on the back. Brad Pitt could not stay committed to Jennifer Aniston. You can live under the same roof, but commitment is never guaranteed. Do emotionally and psychological stable and secure humans need commitment? The “C” word only seems to electrocute relationships and not electrify.
Are humans (like animals) biologically and psychologically challenged to stay committed? When I think about my earlier relationship everything was just fine and fidel until I measured him on the commitment scale. What followed the measurement was dissolution of wonderful 3 year friendship built on the foundation of TLC. Offering commitment is like giving away a blank check; he can wipe away your account and leave you bankrupt in no time.
Why do people invest time, emotion and much more in relationship and stay vested for a long time just to casually end the conversation with “I don’t know” ….? Well this opens another box of questions - Do all relationships culminate into a commitment? Do committed people have plans? Should commitment be discussed and made contractual? Or should life be simple a fuck and flush? Is commitment today looked upon as a mental disease, and unnecessary emotional clinging?
Should I be dogmatic or pragmatic when it comes to commitment? More importantly I think I should be single, hot and whacky….
I love it……
