A Peacock sheds its feather and… Part 2

 

 

A curse and not a course
“This is against my will and I am forced engage in prostitution. I have no other job to sustain myself, my previous employer is hesitant to take me back and my family has disowned me. I don’t want to beg on trains and public places like others transgender community, and as result I am forced to take up prostitution. All this sounds like a curse and not a course and I am hopeful that someday my helpless family, the ruthless society and puppet government will treat us with equality and love” said Mayil.

Her biology was mind boggling
That night she also let me in her biology. “I lost my testosterone, a male hormone, after the surgery and since I am not interested to undergo estrogen therapy I don’t have any sexual feeling despite being a prostitute. I learnt the hard way about how hormones control and alter sexual desires and  biology. I never realized that the surgery would have all these consequences. I slept with other peacocks for pleasure before the surgery but today I do it only for sustenance.

 

Sex is mechanical and only for materialistic purpose. The pleasure has vanished and what lingers is just pain”, she completed and tears quickly trickled down her cheeks and soaked the remaining pieces of chicken.

I was aghast at her reply and human biology and the role of hormones looked complex, as dangerous as nuclear weapon and how it can be self-destructive.

Yet Living like other women

"When I was a gay man, people made fun of my effete nature, yet some gay/bi-sexual men found me  attractive and slept with me. Now post surgery gay men run away from me, straight women think I'm a joke, straight men think I'm a cheap substitute for women and perverts love me", said Mayil.

I was lost trying to fathom the devastation gender reassignment surgery brought to her. Mayil quickly read my mind and replied before I put forward my next question. She got up and asked the waiter for the way to the restroom. That night during the 75 minute conversation I kept addressing her as he, but Mayil had no second thoughts when she wanted to tidy herself she went straight into the women’s room. She wanted to be woman and now she is living a life of a woman.

“In my earlier gender till four months ago, I spent my time with many gay men and like them I wanted to chase straight men. But today gay men don’t want to be seen with me and I am being chased by the perverts in the straight community,” said disappointed Mayil.

Today Mayilu is a woman and she also has to endure other hardships that come with the new gender. Apart from dealing with insults and outcast treatment meted by public she puts up with the menace of auto drivers, police and other sexual perverts. She said the auto drivers often drove her into dark alleys and was interested to explore her biology, while perverts on the late night trains wanted to see her breasts, while police only think of her as a prostitute.

A pinch in her feet
That night I didn’t want to have her face another auto driver and offered to drive her back to her den. And when I asked her what I can get her for a gift, without a second thought she put forward her request.  

“I may not be a complete woman in the eye of the public, but internally I am a woman and the surgery is successful. And I would even do the hormone therapy if it would alter my feet size, giggled Mayil.

“A woman’s footwear would go well with this Salwar and I would love to have a half-dozen slippers to match my other clothes. I hear women footwear in bigger sizes is available overseas, can you get me a few pairs when on your next overseas trip?” requested Mayil.

“I will be a better woman when you see the next time. I promise to save-up to get a breast implant done” concluded Mayil with determination.

Before I could make my promise to bring her a few pairs’ of women footwear that would not pinch her feet, she opened the car door she picked up her dupatta from her broad shoulders and covered her head. She waved at me and vanished. As I drove back home, my mind swelled with questions and thoughts.

A pinch in my heart
Personally, this meeting was a life altering experience for me. Earlier I would have run away from transgenders and would not want to be seen alongside one in public or during pride marches. But today, I stood up in support and I was not worried about being spotted with her at a restaurant despite people giving me a look. Isn’t it the same straight society that discriminates me also discriminate Mayil?

Before we go about changing the perspective of the main stream society, we gay men who walk alongside transgendered on pride days must fearless and shamelessly walk alongside on other days. We stop must stop discriminating looking at each other with curiosity, hatred and prejudice, and replace it with care, love and respect.  If love is genderless then how can friendships be bound by gender?

Why don’t you also think about it…and not just only buy shoes for those beautiful feet, but also hold their hands and walk together? Fight together against the narrowminded, the straight perverts, and the deaf government. Wouldn’t that be more comforting?

A peacock sheds its feather and more...

 

 

 

A year ago was when I last met him, and he surprised me by showing up in a saree that carried beautiful peacock prints along the body. Not sure if it was the saree or his attitude that came with flamboyance, but it earned him the title “Peacock” aka “Mayil. And earlier in the day when I called Mayil to confirm our meeting, the same voice answered the call, and asked me to be ready to see a new avtar that night. From peacock to what next? I had not idea.

Mayil was dressed in a salwar with floral prints, the tight kameez accentuated his slim legs and the dupatta vertically wrapped around her face gave a mysterious look. On his left hand he held a handbag like a model; on the right he held his mobile phone like next door girl, and his nails contrasted the color of her salwar. A big smile blossomed on her lips colored in deep pink. Was it Cinderella or a male version of her?

That evening what embarrassed me the most was not the look Mayilu received from public, but rather my English. While Peacock had successfully transitioned from being a woman caught in a man’s body to a peahen (female) four months ago after going through sexual reassignment surgery, I had not yet made the transition mentally. I continued to look for the he in her and as a result addressing “her” as “him” all through our conversation. I apologized and asked her for blanket forgiveness, and it looked like I needed a class in English. And a month later, I am still struggling to write this piece with a “he” embedded in my mind.

The first call
She was late by 90 mins that evening for our meeting, and my anger vanished when I realized the ordeal she had to go through to make it to our meeting. During the dinner she received two calls and it conveyed a lot she wasn’t prepared to reveal.

When the first call came through she picked it up with confidence and informed the caller that she had come out to meet her ex-colleague for a job. Seeing her reaction, I decided to prod her further to understand how and why the peacock decided to shed it feather. And her revelations that night were both shocking and tearful.

In the next twenty minutes…
When she was still a he, he had a job, a steady income, a loving family, and loving bunch of friends whom he met every weekend. After transforming into a woman, she was disowned by her family and had to seek refuge in a slum amongst other transgenders and as a part of the deal she couldn’t have her friends from before visit her. Yes, the peacock lost her wings of freedom that gave her happiness and color.

When I asked her if she had thoroughly researched the risks of the procedure, went through counseling sessions, discussed her decision with the family, and prepared her lifelines before she made the decision.

As an answer to my question she shared the suffering she had to endure while trapped in a man’s body.  At every private opportunity, be it home alone or in shower she said she behaved like woman. She let me in on a secret, now a broken promise, she and a few other friends who felt the same way made years ago.  They all swore not go through the genital mutilation and gender reassignment, but live this life trapped in a man’s body. But then why did he break the promise?

Not sure if the curse of the broken promise came back to haunt her. Mayil had undergone the surgery in a private clinic. Not sure if the surgeon failed to use sterilized instruments or the physician failed to give her the right medication post surgery, but she contracted septicemia. And a fellow transgender who promised to care completely neglected her. Finally, it was Mayil’s mother and her friends who retrieved her from the jaws of death nursed her back to life.

When Mayil’s father and siblings learnt about the surgery they immediately cut their ties with her and asked her never to return home. Mayil had no option but to find a place for her and live amongst other transgenders. Despite having a good standing at work she had to resign her job and HR is reluctant to take her back since other employees may react differently to her reassigned gender.

Is gender reassignment a crime and shame? Do humans have no right to choose the gender that makes them complete and happy? Why should family, friends and society need to have the final word or approve and accept a reassigned gender?

The second call and third course
Mayilu had finished the main course and just as I offered her the menu to choose a desert she received the second call. And this time the speaker on the other end was loud and I heard the all about the new life she had to play as a peahen.

The head of the brothel house was on the line and she summoned her to return home immediately since a happy customer from the previous night had returned. Infact, her third course was waiting back home. And when I asked her if she enjoyed being a prostitute, she replied candidly and let me in on her other secrets.

Come back next week for more revelations about the curse of a new peahen and her physiology...