Interestingly there are 64 words that start with "ex” among the top 5,000 most commonly used words in English. Where dictionaries can accommodate an “ex”, why can’t we?
Some Ex-es survive the break-up tempest to become friends, while some completely vanish as if into the Bermuda Triangle. Do relationships ever really vanish, though, or do they experience a transmutation?
Why is that we keep looking for Ex-es even after the relationship has disappeared? Is it because Ex-es make us feel guilty for letting go or are we jealous a Harley kind of new boyfriend will replace us? I secretly searched for my Ex on Google, Facebook, Orkut, and Linked in and prayed to run into him on the street corner, at a traffic light, or at the grocery store. But why? For atonement or attainment in the unrealized dream turned nightmare?
After spending 6 months with tissues, issues and searches on the World Wide Web, I finally thought I had climbed out of the emotional dumpster and gotten over the rocky terrain. But the cell phone ring that morning made me fall right back into the dumpster. The call was a familiar voice from the “Don’t call registry”. Obviously the Ex-orcism didn’t work; my Ex was back. Now I felt as if I were being chased and possessed agained.
Sleepless nights and a re-hash of our relationship -- tender moments and haunting memories – followed the phone call. And I bought a few more boxes of tissues to sort out my issues. Was this call an act of kindness or an act of cruelty? Was he back so soon to again teach me more lessons? I badly needed a class on “Ex 101”.
Back at the bottom of the dumpster again, I was swamped by questions weighing on me like a mound of earth over a grave. It’s not that easy to transmute an “ex” into a friend. For that matter, it’s not even easy to move an EX from the (almost) the blocked list back into the “accept incoming call” list. Aren’t rules of engagement different between an Ex and a friend?
Equations change when that someone special gets downgraded to Ex. Families on both sides are instantly forgotten and abandoned; friends are torn apart and left hanging clueless; anniversaries and birthdays are like Friday the 13th; and gifts and pictures are packed in cartoon boxes and labeled with a skull and crossbones and put in the attic.
Are expired relationships dangerous? Should they be quarantined or disposed in outer space? Can they cause an “Ex”plosion if handled carelessly? A friend of mine was outed to his parents by a spiteful Ex, but not all Ex-es are nefarious and vengeful. Some are kind, caring and humble … just not to their Ex-es.
So, there he was. From the phone call I knew he was living my dream happily in the US with a boyfriend and making plans for a union ceremony after eight months of being together. Eight months! Could someone erase my three years of hard work in just eight months? Could I be happy for someone living my dream or was I going to turn green with envy and plot sabotage? Should I extend ex-gratia in the form of kindness, unconditional love, forgiveness, and moral and financial support? I happily mutated into a protector, and took the new avtar as a friend, philosopher and guide – all in one.
Do Ex-es come back looking to pay the accrued interest from our earlier deposits in their emotional bank account? Yes they do!
There I was in the red after a few family emergencies. My cell phone cried out again. Another forgotten ring tone from the Do Not Call Registry. Well, it was my ex-gratia! He was offering me a relief package and rope to climb out of the hole that I was in with a no-interest loan. Maybe we can extract more from an ex as a friend than a partner? I didn’t take up the loan offer, but nevertheless I upgraded him from don’t call registry to occasionally call registry.
Do Ex-es come back to remind us of our past (mistake!) or do they come back to express their regret and rebuild the burnt bridges? I thought this was one question that I would never be able to answer, but then Newton seems to have the perfect explanation for why Ex-es keep coming back into our lives. Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, and it always reappears in another form. I’m just glad my Ex is now a friend.
5 comments:
Knowing you and what ur "EX" blog says.......i feel that u have not moved on since the last 3 yrs......eventually I see you going back to ur "EX". And what about the others who came in till date......long forgotten?????
Arun,
This was a eulogy and it doesnt mean that I have not moved away from my EX. I would ask you not to read beyond my scribe. Sorry there is nobody worthwhile or potent enough to make me forget my EX. Was it loud and clear! Tell your friends to keep trying. Just kidding. Thanks for being a support and sporto.
Under similar circumstances, I did not want to play a "spare part" when I was offered a gesture of friendship, be it just to clear a feeling of guilt or even more a friendship of covenience.
To forgive is good, but do not forget.
To have his status elevated on your cell phone speaks volumes of your good nature and forgiveness, but when i was confronted with the situation, I felt I was being made a bigger looser, a looser that I was already after the break up.
Just a word of caution- draw the Lakhmana rekha clearly and make changes to the limits yourself and do not be compelled to do so.
Good Luck with the new found discovery. After all three years could have brought about a lot of good changes in him.
JK
My Dear......whatever you say or write.....i know u quite well (don't u think so) to write what i have written??????? Your "EULOGY" is a praise for "The EX" !!!!! which automatically says,"there is something in the mind". "Sorry there is nobody worthwhile or potent enough to make me forget my EX.".....if this is the case then either you never forgot your EX or you compared others with you Ex and made judgements. And my friends never tried BABY....its the other way round.......:)
Anyways, I know that you know the best for you.
Behave bois
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