February Fragrance

When this son of Venus and Mercury arrives there is excitement in air, the evening breeze loaded with romance, slick poetry in the tip of the tongue, arms that extend thorn-less rose stems across miles, and beating hearts on their sleeves. Even saints were not spared! Well it is February and what do you expect other than romance, courtship and excitement? But why just 28 days? You figure it out!

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love said Albert Einstein. Art, music and other “common interest” made their paths cross, and Krish had known Vinay to the last alphabet and his position bed. That was customer service beyond Hyatt and Marriott. They were much more and complete than the couple in the Wills hoarding and it seemed like there were “Made for each other”. What does that “e” do in made?

Oh wait…did I hear February also means summer in Southern hemisphere? So, what is summer without the bonfire?

Krish and Vinay had known each other for over 3 years and their explored intimacy was only recent. But nevertheless his majesty gave away pearl necklaces on the weekends (gift of endearment) and bedtime stories were painted, washed and new ones re-painted on the sheets. February does its magic on everyone from Saint to mortals.

One day Vinay’s friend Veena noticed the announcement on Krish’s Facebook and called Vinay to confirm and congratulate. But a minute into the conversation Vinay logs into Facebook and discovers his future. Frozen in shock or excitement? He catches Krish on the chat. Krish confirmed his engagement to a girl and the screen went blank, numb and dead.

And what do you do when the bonfire turns into a brushfire? Should Vinay call for help? Should Veena spill the bean that it was her cousin who got engaged to Krish?

Was it walk the talk with Vinay or walk the aisle with the bride that mom chose? Some men never grow up and can never make the right choice. Vinay always knew he was a cat on the wall but still entertained and intertwined with him and now it was en”tearment”.

No call, no communication of any sort, he abruptly vanished from Vinay’s life like a Kangaroo in the outback. How does it feel when loyalty and love is betrayed? But what about their loyalty to themselves, to their own deepest desires? Veena knew her cousin was getting married to Krish and Vinay never received an invite for wedding, and neither of them could do much about it.
Both life and love has many reasons and seasons and sometimes it unfolds with a surprise to many in courtships and out of courtships.

Can a wedding invite really push down the thinking spiral? Huh… a thinking spiral? Remember the antonym for spiral is straight so should I now rephrase it as a straight spiral or just leave it as spiral? A spiral is a spiral is a spiral! But spirals seem so exciting and churn in the stomach is so intense when left under gravity, isn’t it?

Sidharth and I shared the bench in school, and over the years of growing up we shared just more than the bench. The benchmark!

He is the only friend from high school that I am in touch with. He could be in the middle of the ocean, but never failed to wish me on my birthday for the past 20 years. That intimacy we shared during our schooldays ended with our schooldays, but this gesture made me hold on to our friendship close to my heart. I never had an answer as why he remembered my birthday and didn’t fail to call me every year. Though it sounds like a nice gesture sometimes it feels spooky that someone is keeping count of your age.

We have made out so many times in the school terrace, during the class, and many times at my terrace at home. But as life plays, we went to different colleges and specialized in different streams and took up different professions. I was grounded while he sailed boats and oceans.
Are we hiding our bows and quiver of arrows? And why? Every time he comes into the town he calls me and we make plans for a casual meet, but then it never happens. We discuss about life, work, our families over the phone, but we never spoke about schooldays. This was like driving a bike with no rearview mirror. Absolutely no opportunity for reminiscence!

I probably felt he was exploring as a part of the growing up and coming to age process and there was nothing more deep or inveterate. Every time he called he would curiously ask me if I am single and why am I still single? Since I was not able to gauge his orientation or preference I never gave a definitive answer. Our friendship existed even in uncertainty.

And this time again when he was in town he called me but there was a tone of sadness in his voice. He asked me how I am able to put up with parental and societal pressure and continue to stay single. But he insisted that always saw him single and never even thought of marriage. This made me “queer”ious, but I had nothing more than the past to extrapolate.

I wanted to meet and share my story with a friend who has made it a point to call me for every birthday since we left school. I definitely didn’t want any secrets between us, but at the same time I didn’t want our friendship to be washed by the oceans to a no-man’s-land. Dichotomy and my secrets were killing me. Isn’t walking around the fire much safer than walking in the fire or into the fire, right?

Wearing a plastic smile, carrying my gift of memories from our school days, I could never muster courage to attend his wedding and queuing up to shake hands with him and his wife and tell her that I know his "tool from school".

A few weeks later an unfamiliar number but a familiar voice reached me and it was Sidharth. There was no trace of sadness or compulsion that was there in his earlier call, and he was levitating in happiness over his “engagement”. He delivered the news about his marriage in March and promised to come over to my place to invite my parents. Isn’t sham is one letter short of shame?

Will Krish and Sidharth stay in the marriages happy or will they visit the “Gayville” at night? Everything seems transient and no answer in the horizon.

I never knew the real him and he never knew the real me, but I guess that is how many straight relationships and marriages are today. I could never figure out who is gay and how long the person remains gay? I am not even sure if we have people committed to their “gayhood” if not to their men/women.

Unreclaimed and unrequited such is life, love and friendship. The fragrance of February and friendship ended in a mélange of madness and marriage. How many more Februarys’ and how many more such Ks and Ss? Did I say or sound cases? Huh!

I am single and fabulous and for the rest who are single out there remember Robert Browning - Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.