A walk to remember

To the woman who made me feel like a man,

The walk to her room was beautiful and every inch of space as punctuated with trees and shrubs, and it was difficult to get a glimpse of the sky. She opened the doors of her room, left the key in the lock hanging from the padlock and invited me to visit the pond besides her room. It was a beautiful evening and the sun was just setting and I could hear songs of the homecoming birds. Nature was rejoicing!

I never knew karma could be resolved online. A year ago, she was in Germany and she had stumbled upon my blog, thanks to Google search. She left a few interesting comments on my blog and though she was busy finishing up her publication work over the next few weeks she kept coming back. I was kind of curious to know who someone in Germany was reading my blogs and I was happy to see those little notes she sent across.

We set our foot in the direction of the pond and we stepped on a carpet of dried leaves and twigs. The ground looked like autumn while the temperature was summer like. With every step I heard the little cracker go under our feet. I have done so many walks in my life, but this one seemed so special.

Over the last year we exchanged some emails and finally when comfort and trust arrived she suggested that we do a voice and webcam chat. She was curious to see the man behind the scribe. One fine day we decided to do a cam and voice chat. I have spoken to men online, I have done a camera chats too, but never with a woman. I was shy, reserved, felt like a fish out of pond throughout the conversation.

I looked at the pond, looked inside the pond and finally let me eyes walk around the pond. I surveyed the perimeter and stood on one of the side, but could never get to see my reflection through the dense green vegetation. I wanted us to sit there and cherish the moment looking at the pond together and feel the power of unspoken words. Our karma lines crossed and my heart was celebrating.

She arrived in India late last year, we spoke on the phone a few times, but I couldn’t go to her place in Kerala to meet her. She was clear that would not go well in her house. The only other plan to meet her was during one of her trips to Chennai.

I didn’t spend much time that evening looking through my closet to choose my trouser and tee for the evening. I didn’t bother wearing an expensive perfume. I have never been out with a woman, never met one for coffee, never got the door for her, and never been invited to her den. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, following the right manners. I decided to keep it cool, casual and lose.

I wanted to sit by the pond and freeze the moment of togetherness that had finally arrived, but I was not sure how this would be construed, I held back my desire while I kept my foot forward. I felt special, I felt like a teenager and there was something indescribable in air. Definitely I knew it was not the coffee or the extra spoon of sugar that went in the coffee.

It was a typically village house with tiled roof, teak reapers running on the slanted ceiling. Everything from floor, to wall to ceiling was so simple. Walls were white and blank and there were no paintings, the only painting was the evening sunset. She pointed out that the evening sun pierced through the netted windows and brilliantly lit up the room, but today the sun was down by then. I registered her commentary on the sunset and looked up at the white ceiling. A sheet of polyethylene was running between the reapers and tiles. I have never seen this kind of ceiling before. May be it kept insects, squirrels and even snakes from seeking refuge in the roof. She gave me a quick tour of the house before we settled into the chairs in the living room. It was impossible to find such a house in the city. It was my dream house.

The chair was comfortable and so was the conversation. We talked about life, we discussed our philosophy, and our friends also joined the conversation. I didn’t plan to take so many to her small home that evening.

At an opportune moment she offered me a choice between a glass of water versus black tea. Water was the best option for the mouth that kept yakking all evening. I remember sharing my unending stories and unredeemed mileage with men. She was fine, and never sneered. And sometime back she even offered to join me in journey of life without any physical commitment. Now she offered me crumbs from the “Mysore Pak” she made, it was delicious. I have seen the sky, but never seen it in a woman’s heart. My respect for her and for women moved up a few notches.

Should I call this a date? Does good conversation and exchange of information over a cup of coffee qualify for a date? There was no overpowering testosterone in the air. There was no carnal intent. I felt a sudden surge in energy and I froze the moment and imagined what it would to be a straight man and fall in love with a women. When I grew up I missed capturing the emotions and feelings during puppy love, but now I felt I was back again at the same point. I captured the feeling in the remote corner of my heart.

Suddenly life seemed so basic, simple, safe, secure and full of promises. The struggle that I seemed to have with my sexuality vanished and my multiple identity dissipated.

Was it the setting or was it my friend who accepted me for who I am made the evening and/ the meeting memorable? Was there expectation in us? Was it just friendship between us? I knew I would have never been able to do this if I had gone there with expectations. I didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to clarify, and I wanted to enjoy the moment. It was my first date with a woman and I wanted that to be etched that way in my history of life. Hope she will allow me to do so.

Yours faithful chick magnet!